By Lee Pitts
Cows are supposedly “dumb” animals, and yet I have learned a lot from them, such as…
- Don’t shoot the bull.
- If someone wants to load you up and take you to town, put up a big fight. There is danger lurking there.
- When your offspring become of age and leave home, no amount of bawling will bring them back.
- Piercings, notches, tattoos, and brands hurt and make it easier for Big Brother to identify you.
- The way to acquire a small fortune in the cattle business is to start with a large one.
- Don’t allow yourself to be driven by an unruly mob. Especially don’t get stampeded. You could get hurt, and it will only result in you going round and round in circles.
- Hogs have no place on a cow ranch.
- Stay close to your youngsters at all times. If you must go, leave them with a good babysitter.
- Hide when people gang up and come looking for you because whenever you meet in large groups, no good can come of it.
- Never go swimming unless you can keep your head above water with your feet firmly on the ground.
- The biggest thing wrong with the world is that there are far too many people in it.
- If you get caught in a squeeze, just stand quietly, take your medicine and get it over with as quickly as possible.
- Offspring are far better off being raised by the female of the species.
- 14 Life is sexually transmitted.
- A banker is your friend… until he isn’t.
- Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
- If you have an enemy, give them a cow.
- Males come around for one reason and one reason only.
- It can be liberating to step away from the herd and run around naked when no one is looking.
- Life is not about how fast you can run or how high you can climb, but how much you can eat.
- Sometimes the skies are cloudy all day.
- When the chips are down, no matter how careful you are, you’ll step in a big pile of —- once in a while.
- Good hay is expensive, cheap hay even more so.
- You’re on the backside of life when you start to lose your teeth.
- If someone starts bringing you breakfast in bed for no apparent reason, be afraid. Very, very afraid.
- After the female is in the family way, the male will usually disappear faster than vanilla ice cream at a five-year-old’s birthday party.
- Don’t allow yourself to get fenced in or get stuck in the mud.
- Getting fat can cause death.
- Trust the cows more than the chemists. Life is too short to drink fake milk.
- Birth, copulation, and death. That’s life. None of us will make it out alive.
