By Lee Pitts

Let the record show that I’m in favor of impenetrable borders and unscalable walls patrolled by border guards armed with AR-15’s… between states, that is.

I used to be a proud fifth-generation Californian, but people are currently pouring out of my state because it has become a liberal insane asylum and (tongue twister alert) folks are fleeing like fleas falling from a feline with a new flea collar. Idaho and Texas seem to be the two most popular safe havens, but there are a whole bunch of “reverse Okies” too who are moving back home to Oklahoma where so many prunies can trace their roots. (Full disclosure: My father was an Okie exactly like the ones Steinbeck described in The Grapes of Wrath.)

No state, it seems, is safe from the California virus. Recently, a caller to the Rush Limbaugh show asked what happens when the California liberals move to her state of Texas in such swarms that it is enough to turn her state blue. (Pun intended.) I’ll tell you what will happen. The ex-California libs will then try to turn her great state into the mess they just left. It won’t be long before you’ll have 11% state income tax and if you want to even build a deck on to the back of your house, it will take one year for approval and cost you $30,000 in fees. Even then, if the bureaucrats find an endangered snot-nosed, silver-bellied snail on your property, you’ll never be allowed to do anything with it. But you’ll still have to pay excessive property taxes on land that has been rendered useless.


That’s why I don’t believe states should have open borders. If a Californian wants out bad enough, they ought to have to at least dig a tunnel to escape like they do in Mexico! It’s a bio-containment issue and we shouldn’t make it so easy for them. There ought to be a billboard on every freeway and road at every state’s border saying, “Don’t Californicate Our State.” If a Californian wants even to visit the Alamo they ought to have to apply for a visa and go through an extensive vetting process and take a written test. If they can’t identify what meat is found in chicken-fried steak or they can’t drink their share of sweet tea, they should be denied entrance, especially if they’re driving a 24-foot U-haul and look like they intend to stay for a while.

Unfortunately, this mass outward migration is not only happening in my state but other liberal bastions as well. So many stupid New Yorkers have moved to Florida that they can’t even count votes after an election anymore. As liberal strongholds such as Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis and all other places being run by “progressives” burn to the ground, the people who elected them idiots are moving to other states so they can work their magic there too. During the COVID crises, people have discovered that they can work from home and don’t have to be ensconced in a high-rise in New York or Silicone Valley, so be forewarned. They’ll be moving to your town soon.

That’s why we need to batten down the hatches, erect tall border walls and put a stop to outward migration from any state whose name is more than one syllable or has an “O” in it.